Wowwww!
I mean..
WOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!
I almost forgot that i has a blog!2 years already.lucky i still remember the password!!
so many things happened in 2 years time. sad things, happy things,etc etc.
i've been soooooo busy.ini pun teringat sebab today i am soooo free.keje dah setel..ada lah sikit2 nk buat tapi x rushing...bole?
actually there are too many things that i want to write here..tapi xkan nak tulis semua sekali kan..slow2 gitew.
1st story i'm going to write nih adalah cerita sedih..hekeleh, cite pertama nak sedih2 pulak kannnn..x kisahlah..sbb sepanjang menjadi mommy ni, inilah satu2 peristiwa yang paling meninggalkan kesan mendalam sampai sekarang pun trauma x habis lagi..n sampai skang i jadi sangat paranoid (pdhal mmg paranoid dr dlu kan)
masa damia umur 1yr 1month..i finally sent her to a nursery at my office..teachers were good, the nursery was comfy.but since damia never been in a situation where so many strangers n no mommy/daddy/wan/aki, so everytime hantar dia, she will cry and wouldnt let me go. i had to hold my tears everytime i sent her. 1 week in nursery, she fell sick.admitted for the 1st time..2 weeks later, admitted again..in 1+month damia was admitted for 3 times in hospital.all 3 because of fever. sebelum masuk nursery, damia pernah demam sekali je.masa tumbuh gg.itu pun very mild n the fever gone in1 day.
The 3rd time was the worst. dia kena sawan tarik. in front of my eyes. i took her from nursery whwn the teacher called n told me that damia demam..masa tu baruuuuu 3 hari anta nursery balik.i wanted to bring her to the clinic near our house. and it happended while i was driving. Only God knows how i felt. i screamed like crazy and the only thing that came in my mind that I NEED TO BRING HER TO HOSPITAL NOW!!
so i parked my car at the road side.i screamed n cried non stop.i got out n tried to stop a few cars. i did that because i couldn think how to go to the hospital. n i could not think where is the nearest hopital (i was at bangsar).there was 1 merc stop.the wife asked me what happened.i told her i needed help to hospital but the husband didnt seem to bother n suddenly another car stop by. an indian woman asked me what happened?and told me to get in her car quick.i ran towards her car, left everything inside my car including my brand new LV handbag(who cares?my daughter is moreee important) without knowing that i locked my car or not.I JUST DONT CARE. all i knew that i wanted to be in hospital ASAP.
less in 10 minutes, we arrived at pantai Hospital Bangsar. i ran to ER. nurses took damia n within seconds i heard she cried.i was relief but not 100%. doc told me that damia is ok now. i kept asking is she ok?is there any effect to her?her brain?is she really ok?
doc said she is 100% ok cuma lepas ni kalau demam kenalah berjaga-jaga.budak2 kalau demam terlalu panas boleh kena sawan tarik..her tempt was 39.5 when admitted..3 days at hospital n finally she recovered.i blamed myself 100% for that.sampai sekarang x boleh maafkan diri sendiri.i x hantar damia ke nursery lagi.i was depressed. i refused to talk.i almost quit my job.even pediatrician damia pun noticed that i was in depression because of what had happened.so i asked for 4 months leave(but in government office, if u want to take care of ur child because of medical reason, u can get half paid leaves)so i got half paid.i wanted to take care of Damia before i could think of other solution. I just couldnt bear to be separated from her again.
sampai sekarang kalau lalu dekat area bangsar tu hari2 balik kerja, bila teringat mesti bergenang air mata. i tried not to think or talked about his. even bercerita balik hal ni pon makes me hurt. buat sebagai pengajaran to me and other mothers. do not ambil mudah about demam. i pun x pernah ambil mudah..cm masa tu i dont know why i wanted to go home first and bawa dia ke klinik.pdhal dekat ofis boleh je bawa ke klinik.i felt so stupid.
but pengalaman tu mendekatkan i pada Allah. honestly, sebelum tu i ni solat ntah ke mana. sejak kejadian tu, i banyak dekatkan diri dengan Allah. Mungkin itu dugaan Allah beri supaya i ingat pada Dia.. dan i tau Allah xkan menduga umatnya lebih dari kemampuan. I harap Allah akan selalu melindungi Damia. Semoga Damia membesar dengan sihat, pandai, berjaya dan menjadi anak solehah.
Aminnn
